(Gaki)
God (n.):
Myself.
I try to believe in myself,
Thus, I imitate god sometimes,
"يا عبدي كن ربانيا"
He told me when I was a child,
So i grew to become a terrible replica of the image i have of him:
Hard to believe in.
Unreliable,
Burdened with the hopes of people i can barely live up to.
"I'll be there, my friends, I'm closer to you than your own veins. I'm only a phonecall's distance away, i promise." I say,
Then i ghost.
Realizing that I'm lost and my compass is rigged and I cannot lead anyone down the right path without misguiding them,
Cannot linger within a group of people without dividing them,
Cannot stand in a field of sunflowers without making the sunlight in these flowers fade.
But
I dare not give up on the broken bits and pieces of the remaining faith I have in god,
Just because i dare not give up on the broken bits and pieces of the remaining faith I have in myself.
I think therefore I am,
I perform miracles therefore i exist.
But at nights this existence becomes too quiet,
These miracles deafen me,
Pain me,
deprieve me of sleep,
So I pray,
"God, do not let my lack of faith in you be the death of me."
Hoping that these prayers aren't just drunkenly staggering onto walls
Screaming onto pillows,
Clenching on bedsheets and begging them for comfort
God,
Perhaps the one difference between you and I is that you do not fear oblivion,
Your throne doesn't tremble at the thought of forgetfullness,
Your memory is safe within the hearts, books, eyes and prayers of your believers.
I would rather be a believer than a god,
But I am afraid I ran out of gods to give sacrifices to,
Perhaps that is why the pagan I am started referring to my lovers as goddesses,
That is why I build shrines too heavy for the grounds of my lovers to hold,
Perhaps that is why my temples insist on collapsing down on my head,
And I always end up suffocating on ruins and sins.
Sin (v.)
I do not desire death anymore,
It'll come to me anyways,
Death is inevitable, survival isn't,
So I seek the latter now.
I keep on rolling the dice,
For I care not about the outcome,
Because when death comes to me,
It'll only come after I've had too many dices to roll,
Too many duos and sixes,
Wins,
And losses,
And unlimited coin tosses.
I always sought survival,
I could've been, or could've not,
But I made it this far and my knees are too deep in the mud to try to take any steps back,
So I'll seek survival
In small bottles that my mother can't help but catch the scent of the moment I step into my house
Seek it Between the lips of a lover who wraps her survival stained tongue around mine in prolonged kisses of despair.
I survive therefore I sin, pray, doubt, believe, walk, jog, run, climb, fall, shout, rebel, call, stare, glare, love, drink, blink, feel, peel, breathe, heave, leave, cry, weep, laugh, forget, forgive, forsake, stand, crawl, trip, fall, stall,
I survive therefore I live
And within this life I'll seek survival in get togethers were I end up cracking jokes with cracked words and terrible punchlines.
And I'll find survival within the appalled looks of everyone in the room telling me how bad my joke was.
Fuck yes,
My jokes are terrible but at least they've made it this far!
They're here. They're now.
(Hardallo)
Gaki,
There is no joy in outcomes, only in the making of them
I fear,
The kingdom of heaven is not a place but a time,
I am afraid of the kingdom of heaven because I cannot imagine it, because I could not imagine it, I am In love with words, how can I not love their maker, we are in an age where God is in our words the age of miracles has passed,
For both me and humanity, I live in memories of them preaching them in my words, my words are your only link to me and I am the رب of these words,
But I can not breathe life into them,
I can not even make them rules, I do not know all the rules,
I do not know how to bequeath peace unto them
I am in need of a benefactor myself maybe
Maybe survival is more important than happiness, you can only get survival wrong once unlike happiness,
You have many chances to find it and lose it, and find it again, sometimes
Sometimes realizing it is happiness after it was I gone I am tired
I am tired of chasing those dreams that are not mine,
the rules are vague,
So is vague universal and I don't know when this plague of circumferential thought pillaged my soul it puffs it on fire and pass
(Gaki)
Puff, puff, pass, a friend reminds me as he passes me the survival,
But I steal two more puffs than I should just to make sure that I survive for a few more seconds within this moment,
I pour myself another shot of survival even though my friends tell me that I've survived for a bit too long this night.
(Both)
Note that
Survival and existence are not the same.
I cannot be within all of this dread without having to tame these wild moments of existence with a treat of survival.
It's the only choice i get to make,
So when life teaches me its ways of survival,
I'll ask for more,
(Hardallo)
I trick or treat survival, I break down in little pieces and I grind those little pieces, take out the thorns of despair, pick out the seeds of resentment sewed in haste, and I roll my remains up and light a fire and smoke them,
My lungs burn with the sickly sweet taste of fear of committment,
I have a fear of the fear of commitment, but i will commit to this,
Taking shots of my pain every night till I can drink them like a sailor,
Drinking my insecurities under the table
And I hang them over the fire at the end of the night. I don't wait til morning
The light of the morning does not come soon enough
You think I smile because I am less things than desperate
But desperate is a state of mind and I don't make statements
I confess by omission
I digress, accidentally on purpose and I hope to confuse myself first,
Confused people are not liable to any damages psychological, emotional and or existential
I introduce myself with disclaimers
In the dance I linger, longingly leering at what came after,
Objectifying my pain,
Making love to it and leaving in the middle of the night,.
I cannot bear to look at myself in the morning,
Why would anyone else I
Shamefully walk home,
To nothing
To nothing
And although I fill my nothing with meaningful, it's a practice I inherited like my religion
And I must explore my faith in me
(Gaki)
For i am lucky.
For if it wasn't for luck then my feet wouldnt have led me to the melancholic voice of abu alseed,
I wouldn't have fallen in an abyss in which I had to dance my way out of it to the cacophonic guitar strums of arctic monkeys.
I am a survivor,
And I'll drink to that,
For the sweet burn of dirty liquor brings only joy as it drags its flames across my chest,
So god,
They told me I could be anything so I chose to be a flawed version of you,
So hear my survival, within you, for it is as eternal as you are,
Beethoven placed it in his sonatas,
Mercury in his rhapsody,
David in his chords,
My survival is what pushes winds ahead,
So god,
perhaps if you'd listen hard enough,
You'll find them within the goofy laughter that fills the open air of a starry night miles away from home with strangers that make survival a ton times easier because
(Both)
together we do not await on the sun to rise,
Because even if it didn't,
We'll all rise on our own ,
Amen.
God (n.):
Myself.
I try to believe in myself,
Thus, I imitate god sometimes,
"يا عبدي كن ربانيا"
He told me when I was a child,
So i grew to become a terrible replica of the image i have of him:
Hard to believe in.
Unreliable,
Burdened with the hopes of people i can barely live up to.
"I'll be there, my friends, I'm closer to you than your own veins. I'm only a phonecall's distance away, i promise." I say,
Then i ghost.
Realizing that I'm lost and my compass is rigged and I cannot lead anyone down the right path without misguiding them,
Cannot linger within a group of people without dividing them,
Cannot stand in a field of sunflowers without making the sunlight in these flowers fade.
But
I dare not give up on the broken bits and pieces of the remaining faith I have in god,
Just because i dare not give up on the broken bits and pieces of the remaining faith I have in myself.
I think therefore I am,
I perform miracles therefore i exist.
But at nights this existence becomes too quiet,
These miracles deafen me,
Pain me,
deprieve me of sleep,
So I pray,
"God, do not let my lack of faith in you be the death of me."
Hoping that these prayers aren't just drunkenly staggering onto walls
Screaming onto pillows,
Clenching on bedsheets and begging them for comfort
God,
Perhaps the one difference between you and I is that you do not fear oblivion,
Your throne doesn't tremble at the thought of forgetfullness,
Your memory is safe within the hearts, books, eyes and prayers of your believers.
I would rather be a believer than a god,
But I am afraid I ran out of gods to give sacrifices to,
Perhaps that is why the pagan I am started referring to my lovers as goddesses,
That is why I build shrines too heavy for the grounds of my lovers to hold,
Perhaps that is why my temples insist on collapsing down on my head,
And I always end up suffocating on ruins and sins.
Sin (v.)
I do not desire death anymore,
It'll come to me anyways,
Death is inevitable, survival isn't,
So I seek the latter now.
I keep on rolling the dice,
For I care not about the outcome,
Because when death comes to me,
It'll only come after I've had too many dices to roll,
Too many duos and sixes,
Wins,
And losses,
And unlimited coin tosses.
I always sought survival,
I could've been, or could've not,
But I made it this far and my knees are too deep in the mud to try to take any steps back,
So I'll seek survival
In small bottles that my mother can't help but catch the scent of the moment I step into my house
Seek it Between the lips of a lover who wraps her survival stained tongue around mine in prolonged kisses of despair.
I survive therefore I sin, pray, doubt, believe, walk, jog, run, climb, fall, shout, rebel, call, stare, glare, love, drink, blink, feel, peel, breathe, heave, leave, cry, weep, laugh, forget, forgive, forsake, stand, crawl, trip, fall, stall,
I survive therefore I live
And within this life I'll seek survival in get togethers were I end up cracking jokes with cracked words and terrible punchlines.
And I'll find survival within the appalled looks of everyone in the room telling me how bad my joke was.
Fuck yes,
My jokes are terrible but at least they've made it this far!
They're here. They're now.
(Hardallo)
Gaki,
There is no joy in outcomes, only in the making of them
I fear,
The kingdom of heaven is not a place but a time,
I am afraid of the kingdom of heaven because I cannot imagine it, because I could not imagine it, I am In love with words, how can I not love their maker, we are in an age where God is in our words the age of miracles has passed,
For both me and humanity, I live in memories of them preaching them in my words, my words are your only link to me and I am the رب of these words,
But I can not breathe life into them,
I can not even make them rules, I do not know all the rules,
I do not know how to bequeath peace unto them
I am in need of a benefactor myself maybe
Maybe survival is more important than happiness, you can only get survival wrong once unlike happiness,
You have many chances to find it and lose it, and find it again, sometimes
Sometimes realizing it is happiness after it was I gone I am tired
I am tired of chasing those dreams that are not mine,
the rules are vague,
So is vague universal and I don't know when this plague of circumferential thought pillaged my soul it puffs it on fire and pass
(Gaki)
Puff, puff, pass, a friend reminds me as he passes me the survival,
But I steal two more puffs than I should just to make sure that I survive for a few more seconds within this moment,
I pour myself another shot of survival even though my friends tell me that I've survived for a bit too long this night.
(Both)
Note that
Survival and existence are not the same.
I cannot be within all of this dread without having to tame these wild moments of existence with a treat of survival.
It's the only choice i get to make,
So when life teaches me its ways of survival,
I'll ask for more,
(Hardallo)
I trick or treat survival, I break down in little pieces and I grind those little pieces, take out the thorns of despair, pick out the seeds of resentment sewed in haste, and I roll my remains up and light a fire and smoke them,
My lungs burn with the sickly sweet taste of fear of committment,
I have a fear of the fear of commitment, but i will commit to this,
Taking shots of my pain every night till I can drink them like a sailor,
Drinking my insecurities under the table
And I hang them over the fire at the end of the night. I don't wait til morning
The light of the morning does not come soon enough
You think I smile because I am less things than desperate
But desperate is a state of mind and I don't make statements
I confess by omission
I digress, accidentally on purpose and I hope to confuse myself first,
Confused people are not liable to any damages psychological, emotional and or existential
I introduce myself with disclaimers
In the dance I linger, longingly leering at what came after,
Objectifying my pain,
Making love to it and leaving in the middle of the night,.
I cannot bear to look at myself in the morning,
Why would anyone else I
Shamefully walk home,
To nothing
To nothing
And although I fill my nothing with meaningful, it's a practice I inherited like my religion
And I must explore my faith in me
(Gaki)
For i am lucky.
For if it wasn't for luck then my feet wouldnt have led me to the melancholic voice of abu alseed,
I wouldn't have fallen in an abyss in which I had to dance my way out of it to the cacophonic guitar strums of arctic monkeys.
I am a survivor,
And I'll drink to that,
For the sweet burn of dirty liquor brings only joy as it drags its flames across my chest,
So god,
They told me I could be anything so I chose to be a flawed version of you,
So hear my survival, within you, for it is as eternal as you are,
Beethoven placed it in his sonatas,
Mercury in his rhapsody,
David in his chords,
My survival is what pushes winds ahead,
So god,
perhaps if you'd listen hard enough,
You'll find them within the goofy laughter that fills the open air of a starry night miles away from home with strangers that make survival a ton times easier because
(Both)
together we do not await on the sun to rise,
Because even if it didn't,
We'll all rise on our own ,
Amen.
