The Last Speech

Tearing my index and middle fingers off cause fuck peace signs.

This pen in my palm no longer lingers for a peace of mind;

But with lyrical napalm,

I'm tryna blow this piece of my mind, 

into fractions of lines and phrases of syllables aligned

For one last speech in hopes my words are armored and well-stranded this time

since empty handed ones let me down before on the grounds of this mental civil war.

One last speech, 

Then I leave, 

My chest heaving with sighs, 

Hoping my eyes carry enough goodbyes. 

I leave, 

With a tongue twisted with poetry 

and a mind void of prayers 

I leave, 

not knowing where I'm headed, 

what I'm leaving for, 

or why im going there. 

All I know is, 

I'll leave, 

cause this house aint a home anymore. 

So I'll stand back to stand by in shadow, 

And I'll take my coffin and grasp my gallow,
And leave. 

I once Said: 

“Sometimes I forget to put my armor on, 

and I know that’s obscene in your culture, But I feel a lot lighter when my armor’s at home.” 

Well I was wrong. 

Should've barricaded some dreams round that illusion of a bed, 

Took my precautions, 

cause with such a disturbed head, 

Can't get too comfortable in the illusion of a rest.
I'll leave away, hoping to lead those monsters astray,
I'm tired of how they strangle me with my own hesitant vocal chords, 

tie them into skeptical nooses that leave reluctant bruises, 

Ones I cannot see in my reflection in the morning, 

but cling on to my muffled words, 

so I can later on notice. 

There's nothing I seek so I hear, 

but I do not speak. 

The world is pretty grotesque and I'm terrified, 

but can you shame me for fear? 

When hell's kinda empty and all the devils are here, 

Backwards Men in uniforms with futuristic weapons, 

Ready to fire if you ever protest. 

So I'll leave. 

And you can keep the trains of thoughts i missed when I was contemplating, 

retracing my footsteps, 

hesitating, 

awaiting on miracles, 

Reciprocating between self loathe and self medicating. 

Eyes bloodshot, 

pupils dilating, 

Tryna find sense in the world but numbed senselessly, 

Gasping for words I once spoke effortlessly, Seeking a truth that could perhaps echo endlessly. 

But... everything I am became everything I wasn't And everything there is became everything there isn't. 

the truth wore a gown of lies and was put to sleep, 

Joy brought a pack of sighs carrying memories. 

Ones to exhale away, and inhales to keep.

He who stands out becomes stood on, 

instead of understood, 

So I stand back to stand by in shadows,

Wear my coffin and wrap the noose of my gallow.

One last wish? 

There's nothing I seek, 

So I see, I hear, but I do not speak, 

one silence at a time, 

I'll pass my turns, 

And as I am hanged in shadow, 

I'll watch my world burn.

Somebody Else's Poem

This is not my poem to write. 

Those are not my words to recite. 

for I lost ownership to those thoughts long ago when I tossed
them at the back of my head

and the guy who had them faded into a person that doesn't think like me,
 doesn't look like me anymore.

those are shivers that ran across my spine during passing conversations that sneaked themselves onto my ears on random afternoon walks

Shivers I never bothered to give second thoughts.
these are the poorest of metaphors,

the helpless mothers of words that had to abandon their children of definitions to die on cold pavements for the lack of capacity and empty slots.
these are the lonely lines that found no company to finish themselves into poems.
The psuedopoems that I had to tame down because I once felt were too insignificant to be written,

Too personal,

Too terrifying,

Too ugly,

Too stupid.

These are the neverminds and the 'nothing much's

those are shy ryhmes, ones convinced that they're too insignificant to be written yet my fingers itched too significantally to let them remain unwritten so they were only ununwritten in a way that never gave them their fair share of poetic messes.

This isn't my poem.

not my child.

I'm but a mere stranger burdened with it.

It's full punchlineless jokes,

halfassed metaphors,

And lists that never made it past the number 1- 

And they're not mine to recite, but I'll say them anyways so...
1-..