Tuesday 27 March 2018

22:22/10:22PM

22:22
"Glory to Satan, lord of the winds
Who said no to the face of those who said "yes"
who taught Man to tear apart nothingness
He who said no, thus did not die
And remained a soul eternally in pain."

no, my confinement was not solitary,
there were always songs of the devil playing at the back of my head.
I smile at his consistent presence,
Making sure I was okay,
Like the caring brother he's always been,
He who was abandoned before I was,
Who very well understood my pain,
Explained to me how it was eternal.
That our father who art in heavens made it so.
He taught me tricks to numb it down

With razor blades to inspect that the blood in my veins was still red,
With burning cigarette buds that gotten familiar with my skin.
My body often felt ablaze,
My existence persistently burning in flames,
So Lucifer
taught me how to fight fire with fire.

22:22
Patience is your last virtue as you await your turn to hang.
So I patiently wait on my executioner,
His familiar face draws a faint smile of grace as he prepares the noose that'll bruise my neck and hold my isolated body as it dangles,
The wind will tackle my chest as my body swings,
I am ready,
Death is my long awaited lover,
This overdose
will take me home.




Azrael greets me like an old friend,
"Son of Adam, lover of demise" he says,
"I apologize, but it is not yet your turn."
And then he disappears,
leaving me hanging,
As I dangle in disappointment.

22:22
For two thousand, one hundred forty eight hours my existence was only within the limits of this black mirror.
My physical being invisible,
Limited between the borders of my bed,
And the hideous thoughts that made a colony of my head:
Self-doubt, self-distrust, self-destruction.
self loathe, self harm, self abuse.
Self denial, self delusion, self depreciation.
Self occupation,
Talking to my self conversations, self immolation, and self condensation.
For ninety one days I had to stay in isolation,
Watching through the window of this lighthouse prison as the tides and waves of the sea outside drove my ex-lover away from the shore and I had nothing at hand to do but wait on matching numbers on the clock to wish for my memory to stay in their minds.
10:22 PM, 11:23 PM, 00:00 AM.

22:22
The messages I didn't reply to until Azrael got ahold of the souls of those who sent them will always haunt me.
My friends,
Come back,
You were not to die before I do.
Cling on to life like the naïve people you've always been.
I'm yet to tell you about the lovers I let down,
These damsels whose hearts I didn't mean to break,
And those who broke mine.
My friends, stay for one more year,
Just one more year.
Steer away from death the way death avoids me.
Come back.
You're yet to kiss your lovers,
Finish these conversations we never had,
And Walk down roads you've always dreamed of reaching.
My friends, I am broken, I am fed with futile sorrows.
I am full of grief and I cannot bear drinking one more cup of tea that tastes of blood.

22:22

I see divinity in the eyes of one I can sense but barely perceive,
a Fellow prisoner in a cell that looks different than mine but probably feels the same.
And I pray to her
Through the walls of this jail cell.
Hoping this forgotten goddess can hear prayers coming through seven layers of hell,
Seven levels of earth,
And all the way to a forgotten Babylon
Where her divine soul dances in prison.

Glory to her eyes,
Ishtar who holds heavens in her hands,
Who the stars align to flirt with her light,
Whose lips spoke spirit into man.

O'Nocturnal goddess of the broken and the barely living,
Those breathing on the edges of their lungs,
Goddess of taking one's breath away.
Whose glory would make mountains kneel,
And oceans stay silent,
Save me.
Say the words to remove the nails that pin my limbs to this cross.
Ease my pain with your presence,
Place your lips upon my wounds,
Brush your fingers upon my skin,
Help me regain my wasted yesterdays.
Lie to me so that I'd stay for one more painful tomorrow.
"You'll be okay." Tell me,
And I'll believe you,
The way a man believes in the holy words of god.

Flawed goddess who barely believes in herself,
You and I are not the same species,
But your pain and mine look to me more alike than any other.
And my pain is in love with yours,
My scarred arms need nothing more than to hold yours.
Save me.
I believe in you,
I believe in your flaws and shortcomings.
Every hint of fault you think makes you less of a goddess,
Every wrong you think tarnishes your holiness,
Is divine.

22:22

Freedom is a state of mind,
And I wore shackles around my wrists for too long that I still feel their phantom bruising my skin even when they're gone,
My legs will never run around like they could.
They will always drag the memory of chains behind them.
I cannot unthink what I already thought,
Cannot unfind what I sought,
These colonies in my mind won't go away,
The blood stains on my fragmented body cannot be washed away.

No man ever steps in the same river twice; for he is not the same man, and it is not the same river.
I am neither the man that was free before imprisonment, nor the one that slept on a bed inside a cage,
I am both of them.
I am more.

22:22
I will be okay, and so will you.

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