Tuesday, 3 June 2014

Out of The Labyrinth; Into it.

The leap of faith;
you took alone,
out of the maze;
onto the eye of a burning sun.
the road is made,
for you to run..
onto the mess of ash and bone;
we breathe to live;
you breathed to die.
you lit a cigarette;
then smoked a lie,
Consumed the liquor
into your blood..
the alcohol..
the shattered glass..
the bloody mud..
the books on your shelves..
the dust on them..
their yellow papers..
their unread selves..
they weep alone..
The labyrnith that you escaped..
so straight… so fast..
it put us in..
a paradox..
a labyrinth..
of human sins..
of living long.. and dying last..
of unlit cigarettes„
and undone pranks..
of a stupid fire..
burning low..
of our desire..
to let it go..

Our Faulty Stars


They burned, they turned,
They left us behind,
They fell downhill,
With that roller coaster,
You and I used to ride.
They tickled through your nose,
They flooded in your chest.
Then lit up my weak bones,
a decoration for Christ.
they ran through our veins,
they dug through our bones,
and they gathered in our lungs..
to bury us in stones.
I stand upon them now,
I look at you and stare..
And I think about our stars..
how faulty and unfair..
let down their mistakes..
on our shoulders to behold..
Pains, grieves, and aches..
and stories untold..
.
But you and I did stand..
within our numbered days,
we.. we were grand..
In all possible ways..
we offered our hearts for break,
and we made our choices,
The eye-contact we make,
and the phone’s static noises.
I loved you, can’t deny it,
you loved me, present tense,
you and I were oblivion,
..a.. hot.. damn.. mess..

Tuesday, 17 December 2013

A story (Or so I think)

There was this kid,
 a normal kid (or so he seems). He had a normal black coat that he always wore; He wore it at nights, he wore it at mornings, he wore it at summer time as well as winter times.. he wore it too frequently that the world thought it was abnormal (or so 'twas telling him). But the kid wouldn't give a damn about what the world saw as abnormal anyways. For the kid believed that the world itself was abnormal, he saw the world as a horrible black, dark, bad, bad, evil, evil, and EVIL abnormal place.
But what was more abnormal (or so the kid thought) is that he felt very alone at this.. he seemed to be living in a world that is different than this pinkish-full-of-unicorns world everybody around him lived in. He saw blood splashes on walls that other people saw as "beautiful colours", he smelled ashes and smoke that others smelled as perfumes.. he walked on ruins while every bloody other person walked on bloody rainbows.
The kid was angry, he was furious and his insides were melting by the heat of hatred he felt towards the unfairness of the world.. he cursed upon himself, he cursed upon his sight, he cursed upon the world that chose him, and only him, to see it as it really is.
As wrath took over him, the rest of the seven deadly sins swallowed his normality. He got proud, for he believed that he was special. He felt envious for he loathed the happiness he saw in the eyes of others. He was greedy, for he craved the power that allows him to kill that happiness. He is gluttony, for he never stopped eating darkness. He expresses sloth, for he became too lazy to try and leave an impact on his surroundings. And what a lustful soul he is, for he desired to have a bit of all.
This kid, instead of being a pure soul in a world that is dark, he became a dark soul, a soul even satan would think of as wicked and evil.. thus, as things are all relative, the world became a really shiny, glowy, good, good place compared to our little was- normal kid.
"Crunch, crunch, munch, munch, chomp chomp. Gulp!"  A monster (his sins that is) ate the kid from inside out, it ate his purity, his normality, his body AND mentality. And then, he was no more a human, but only a devil. No more a kid in a black coat, but a coat that's blackness suppressed a kid.
Instead of the kid thinking of the world as "a horrible, dark, wicked place", the world viewed him as what he used to view it as. (Irony, he calls that.)
Now, that you all know, a devil destroys not only itself, but what's around it too.. as the devil he became grew stronger, the quantities of people whom he splashed walls with their blood grew larger, the numbers of houses he burnt to create the smoke he always smelled and the ashes and ruins he always walked on a living truth for all of those who dared to show happiness around him.
..He was extraordinarily abnormal..
..And now, back to what's normal and what's abnormal, there was this catalyst (or so he called her, and hey! I'm not talking about how she became what she is, okay?) and she was abnormal too, because with her poor eye-sight, she could see through a hundred layer of "bad abnormal things" and find a normal kid that, not only is lonely, but also got harmed by his solitude, a kid that is not as evil as the world believed he is, and far from being what he thinks he is.
She was abnormal, because with all the dark layers that cover herself, with all the insecurities that ate her as much as darkness and sins ate the kid, she was able to reach him.. she could talk to him, not to devil, and he could hear her, not the insecure child. And her fingers could break through the layers, through the devil's chest, and reach for the broken-by-the-world heart of the kid.. then with a touch of kindness, and faith.. she could mend him.. a little.
Like one of those Samurai Masters in cheap old cartoons, she helped the kid grow into a thing stronger than the devil, she helped him find the preach inside, and...
" Crunch, crunch, munch, munch, chomp chomp. Gulp!" The preach ate the devil inside out.
A devil in the shape of the preach?
A preach that has a devil in its insides?
He knew not what he became, and she didn't know either, but they both didn't care.. for they both knew that he was a better person than what he's ever been.
As she, the catalyst, helped the devil grow a preach inside..
He, the devil, helped the catalyst find a bit of darkness inside..
And that, is the story of how balance was found in the abnormal world of the normal kid in the black coat.(Or so the story teller says.)

Sunday, 15 December 2013

The Small, Abandoned, and Out of Their Minds

She bent her back a little to pick the small, abandoned, maniac, I from the ground.. 
She put me in a small box, a one which she used to keep a ring in, it seems, then hid it in her bag..
I shouted at her to take me out, I was suffocating and I craved air, but she didn't hear me.. I lost sight.. I died!
She got into her room, took out the small box out, opened it.. and I was laying there.. 
Small, abandoned, Maniac, and.. dead! 
She let out a small giggle slip through her mouth then said:
" -Dear..  you little fool, it's not time for you to die yet."
- Oh, okay, so I shouldn't die?
- Of course not! are you cold?
- Freezing.
- Okay.. 
- What? are you not giving me a blanket or a coat?
- You're too small.
- Hmm.. right. *smiles*"
.. 
She took me to the window.. she thinks I'd enjoy the scene from there. 
I sat on the window.. cold, small, taken-care-of, maniac and.. more alive than I've ever been. 
She fell asleep.. but I didn't.. it's cold.. and the glass is fogging up.. 
"-Mewants t'draw. 
-what do I draw?
-a hangman's noose!
-Good idea, but why? 
-it's fun to draw. 
-okay.
-okay?
-yes.. okay... 
-*draws a hangman's noose*
-Now now, who do I hang?
-you!.. 
-why? 
-because.. you're a maniac. 
-I'm not, I'm just sleepy.. 
-okay.. let's sleep. "
I slept, shaking, cold, no covers for me from the cold and no protection from the exposure to the open freezing air.. I slept, no blanket for me except for my maniac little warm dreams. 
In the dream I was large.. I was warm.. I was holding a bag that has a small box inside that has a small, cold, maniac, abandoned her inside.
....
....
....
I slept until the winter was gone.. 
"-Good morning. 
- Good morning..
- Did you sleep well?
- I slept alot.. The winter is gone, am I a bear?
- I don't think so.. bears can't be so small.. 
- damn.. 
- What?
- I always wanted to be a bear.
- You can be my teddy. 
- Really?
- Of course."

And now here I am.. a small, taken-care-of, maniac, talking-to-itself, warm fuzzy bear. 

"She must be a maniac too; nobody would make a scum ,like I, their bear." 







Tuesday, 10 December 2013

Shouts of An Underdog

Why can't I..
..cry?
Be joyous at a moment,
then weep at another..?
why can't I shout,
why c-c-can't I stutter?
why can't I think out loud,
then let madness fill my gutter,
why can't I..
paint my own corpse on the walls of my room?
or build my own city, then bring it to its doom..
why can't I..
have a little chat with a voice in my head,
then play hide and seek,
with a non-existing friend?
..


why can't I,
Express my madness on paper,
then set it on fire..
hang a man on paper,
then set him on fire,
execute his wife on paper,
and a forty family member..
then set the pen,
the stack of paper,
and the whole dead family,
on a burning hell-fire..

 why can't I be anger,
why is wrath a sin?
why do I have so much hunger
for a stupid happy "fin"


 why can't I be madness,
be happiness and love,
why can't I be a raindrop,
that only stays above..

why should I kill the self in "my"?
and then ignore the calls of a ninty nine "I"?
why do we never accept?
why must we all deny?
why does the world insist..
that we all must..
 die.

Friday, 22 November 2013

I Solemnly Swear


-"Her eyes are so pretty..
She's the sweetest girl on earth..
We were meant to be together..
Since the days of our births.."
He knocks her door holding flowers..
Then he takes out her for a walk..
They talk on phone, endless hours..
He and the girl, he used to stalk..
He promises not to hurt her,
he says he'll never be rude..
While I?..I solemnly swear.. I'm up to no good..
I solemnly swear I'm up to no good,
If by good, we mean, I leave you behind..
And if good, nowadays, is to go like "THAT"^
Then let us stay on the dreadful side..
I'm up to no good, but I won't do bad..
not to the craziest lady, I ever had..
They call her a Mania, they call me mad..
they say we're nutties.. that we're insane..
maybe because (they're) "falling".. for words spent in vain..
while we fell for each other.. discussing j.k Rowling..

Then you became my shelter, and I became your world..
you became "my mistress" and I became "your lord.."
And I fell your taste, but not for your look..
Perhaps, because harry potter was your favorite book..
I fell for your madness, your endless nonsense..
your "inner sacred sadness", your incredible thoughts..
for the times you were depressed, and for your favorite quotes..
your addiction for chocolate, coffee and fiction,
And how you would read, in what-so-ever-section..
I didn't fall for your beauty, or because you were nice..
and I never was lost in your "incredibly beautiful eyes"
I fell cause you're different.. Cause you made me understand..
That one can fall in love, without holding hands..
cause you made me trust a woman - through the screen..
a woman who loves Roth, and reads John Green..
who likes British accent, and appreciates Shakespeare..
..A woman.. a maniac.. not coherent.. unclear!



Maybe cause you're divergent, and you're also a raven..
Cause you go buy books & chocolate with the money you were savin'..
Cause maybe, you never made me say, you fell from heaven..
Cause you're social, but also insecure..
Cause you're always worried.. and you're never sure..
Cause you're not perfect.. you got a hundred flaws..
Cause you're Moody, sometimes a needle, but sometimes a rose..
Cause you're so far! but also TOO close..
Cause you're just you.. and you don't expect lots..
Cause you're insane, and you help me go on... on being nuts..

Friday, 15 November 2013

2013's drawings pack.

Ordered according to date of drawing.
The first one is the first and the last one is the last drawing of the year.